This is misfidz@blogspot.com

juz a lil insight into my world....
my rantings & musings...
nothin more, nothin less
& wat goes on in here,
stays in here...
kapish?

can't sleep.. perhaps tinkin too much abt wat happened.. i noe i'm not dat kinda girl.. or at least i hope i'm not.. how cld i compromise sthg or someone rather, whom i mite slightly be attracted to by doin wat i did?? why now? i've been here like 20mths now n nothin liddat has eva happened.. at least not wit my consent.. n there's no one fer me to share my innermost thots wit.. hmmm... i really am lonely huh...
newayz, flew wit dis guy.. found him rather cute.. not e boyband material kinda looks but he had a charm abt him.. a lil chubby but hey, i like my men fleshy.. heh!! =P only thing is, as i said to min juz now, is dat his apparent shyness or lack of courage to flirt wit me openly can mean two things.. he cld either be really, really shy n can't summon enuf guts to be throwin himself at me in front of evryone else... OR he cld be attached oredi n doesn't wan others to noe dat he's playin e game in case it gets back to his girl... of coz i prefer to choose e former.. point is, i tink i like him.. it doesn't help dat he's sendin me all these vibes dat i can't read too well.. i mean, i've known him fer only 3days so maybe dat's why? =/
fuck.. why do i always end up analysin evry single thing??!
den again, guys here r juz out fer fucks.. literally.. it's like dey haf absolutely no regards to e girls' feelins but when a girl plays e field as well, she's immediately a slut.. how fair huh?! as one guy i talked to on a flgt put it; 'girls r like mobile phones.. once a new model comes out in e market, of coz i'd trade-in e old one..' wat an ass rite?!? but yep, dat's e mentality of most guys down here.. so it definitely does nothin to make me trust in anyone.. even e ugly shitheads here are professional players.. so isit wrong fer me to be too guarded abt stuff or shld i juz follow my feelins blindly n risk gettin played??
gawd.. i'm feelin so tipsy now coz i tink i'm tinkin too much..

n den, when u listen to all those songs, it really makes u haf hope dat there is such thing called love dat does exists.. only tricky bit is how elusive it cld be.. some of em lucky enuf claims dat luv came when dey least expected it n e worse u cld do is to go ard lookin fer it.. take a back seat, enjoy e ride n when it happens, it happens.. but i'm sayin, wat if it does happen, n somehow at dat point of time, i'm still so guarded n as paranoid, wld i even noe wat hit me??! on e otha hand, i wldn't wanna be pining hopes on any tom, dick or harry dat catches my fancy.. sure, i do haf fleetin crushes on so many guys, in fact, too many.. but dat's exactly where it ends.. coz i'm too scared to do anythin 'cept worryin dat he'd probly oredi be attached n blissfully in luv.. i mean, if he caught my fancy, i'm sure some other girls mite oredi be attracted to him as well.. n even if i do end up trustin him, i'm not quite sure of other girls... n i believe some haf really mastered e game as well as e guys.. also, as i've clearly stated, i'm not into other's property.. i believe in karma.. n i definitely believe there's so many fish in e sea dat it makes no sense to be fightin over one.. especially not on one who's simply selfish n can only tink fer himself but not e girls.. ( i tink i'm done wit e fish analogies fer now... heh)
oh hell.. i tink i'm juz too lonely n desperate.. why can't i find e guy who's decent enuf.. someone who doesn't realise juz how cute he is coz i find dat too darn attractive in a guy.. (so sick of all those obnoxious n conceited ones who use their charms to their advantage!) or someone who's a fiercely loyal guy, a full-time, one-woman man.. wit absolute trust in me n has no reason to make me not trust him either.. coz i noe myself, it takes a lot fer me to fall fer someone but when i do, i'm gone.. there wun even be a reason fer him to be worried coz somehow my guys radar juz shuts off when i'm in a relationship.. it's like i'm totally oblivious to other hotties even if i were in e same room wit a dozen of em.. i tink i'm ramblin rite now.. i'm sleepy but i can't sleep so pardon me if i'm not makin any sense..

anyhoos, decided to do sthg new in my future posts.. i shall note down one thing dat i noe or mite-not-noe (=P) abt myself.. dat'll be real fun to look at, in like 5yrs fm now.. so let's see how well i noe myself huh??
® i tink i am strong enuf, emotionally, but i oso am worried dat i can be fragile as well..