This is misfidz@blogspot.com

juz a lil insight into my world....
my rantings & musings...
nothin more, nothin less
& wat goes on in here,
stays in here...
kapish?

sigh~ why do you hafta like someone who cldn't care less if u're dead or alive?? i mean, not only fer myself... fer so many other lovelorn fools out there.. why?!? n fer e individual who mite be still pining away fer me, i'm truly sorry fer dat.. i honestly noe how it feels like but dat's not an excuse fer me to suddenly change my mind n go yr direction instead.. i'm a total goner fer dis certain guy in particular.. apologies once again if i made a mess of anyone's mind.. totally unintended n if possible, i'd luv to spare anyone of e pain dat i noe too well lately.. it's not e best of emotions but i'm so wrapped up in it, i dunno when i can escape.. sigh... thot i wld feel betta after dat sms tellin nadz off.. i sent him a msg, while a lil tipsy fm malecon, sayin 'pls stop playin wit me.. u noe how i feel abt u so stop leadin me on.. pls..' woke up tinkin it mite haf been a dream, but checked e sent function n realised i really did send it thru.. ooops!!! initially it felt gd.. very liberatin but now i'm kinda regrettin.. i mean, if i wuz a guy, dat'll be e last thing i'd wanna receive fm some chick!! wtf?!?
guess luv/like/lust makes u do crazy things.. =P
perhaps dat's why he hasn't even replied; much more call til now.. i noe i shldn't be expectin anythin but i really dunno why i am!! sheeesh... wuz sooo emo e other day, listened to 'linger' on repeat e whole day.. =/ after all, we watched 'click' n while on e way to rotana, dat song wuz playin in his car as well... kinda apt doncha tink?? too apt fer cryin out loud!!!! aargggghhhhhh!!!!
den again, before i even got to like him, i'd oredi liked dat song.. so there..
oh, before i ramble on, e reason why i sent dat msg wuz becoz e nite b4, we met at an afterparty n he wuz all chummy but once we were at his place, he got really sick.. needed to puke but cldn't so i wuz like sorta takin care of him.. made him some hot coffee (dey had no tea) juz to settle his tummy a bit... dey all went to double deckers beforehand while i wuz at boudoir.. by e time i reached, he wuz obviously drunk, drank e smirnoff like it wuz water... so newayz, while takin care of him, he wuz like 'i'm not gonna drink again.. n next time u're goin out to boudoir or wateva, dun msg me.. dun call me eva.. no hard feelins??' n he extended his hand fer me to shake.. n me, bein e dumb me, stupidly shook it.. all e while, my heart shatterin to pieces.. (fark!! karl wolf's butterfly's playin now.. dat song always reminds me of him.. wtf?!?!?) so, e rest of e conversation went sthg like dis..
him:go sleep..
me:how d'you expect me to when u're like dis??
him:dun worry.... thot u said u're tired?
me:it's ok really.... (cuts me off here)
him:or go home
me:...............................................................
(cue breakin heart; again)
in e end, tucked him in, n left after a while of bein in a state of confusion... i wuz so fuckin lost!!!
i mean, wat wld u tink or feel if someone u really really n by dat i mean really fancy, said dat to yr face?!?

din wanna call but of coz i did, tried to pretend nothin happened n juz asked if he wuz feelin betta.. of coz he used e same ol 'i'll call u later' line... by which i wuz like 'u always say dat but u dun'.. n he wuz sayin he would.. but no prizes fer guessin if he did..
so dat's why, it felt real gd dat i sent him e text abt how i felt.. i noe he's not worth it but i juz can't help feelin like dat fer him.. fuck rite??

®wuz bein sucha baby.. kept lookin at lyndz' cam coz she snapped a perfect pic of me n him e other time.. we looked sooo happy.. or maybe it wuz juz me.. =/


juz got back fm trilogy.. only had an hr plus there n to tink i paid 50bucks fer dat... sheesh... not really in e mood to gelek but oso not really in e mood to sleep... is there such kinda person??? no mood to sleep!!! hehehehe.... got back fm hamburg, changed n out to meet lyndz n e girls... pamz, beckz, naz n simon... n no, simon's not a girl!! but e last 2 left earlier... saw tok janggut n dat mohd guy there.. happenin!!! n dat mohd wuz like 'u neva seem to answer all my fonecalls..'... i had absolutely no replies to dat, i mean, i simply din wan him to tink he has a chance.. so hard to stay frenz when all he says is dat he'll wait til i change my mind n he'll always be there... pressure u noe!!!! all i cld say to him wuz dat i'm sorry n dat i've been doin long flgts.. which is e truth... partly newayz.. =P
soooo wanna go back to brissy.. wanna see ellz.. *grinz* evrytime i watch a documentary, reminds me of e dvd we watched of ricky gervais' stand-up... n not to mention how proud he was of his blue planet dvd collection.. he wuz like 'i spent e last hundred bucks i had on dis instead of e concert i wuz plannin to go to...' sweeeet.... well, thing is, dis nadz guy seems to be rather flaky n i dun wanna be there fer him to toy wit, i mean, why not spend it wit someone who mite haf e hots fer u, rite??? plus, suz n even yonz felt dat there mite be sthg.. as in, dey tink ellz mite like me.. n i, of coz, am all coy n shy ard him which of coz gives of e impression dat i myself like him.. okie, maybe.. i dunno... he's nice.. sweet.. shy.. a bit selenge... but i dun fancy cocky guys anyways.. only thing is, he's all e way in brissy n i'm here... he's juz turned 30 n i'm not... sigh... tinkin of dat day spent at their place... nice.... ice-cream while watchin tv... n how he wuz like 'i haf a surprise fer u!!' while goin to get e icy-creamy... heheheh... so refreshingly sweet... (hmm, come to tink of it, nadz bought me ice-cream as well e other time... hmmmm... isit a guy's trick??!?)

to date, i've put on 5kgs fm my weight back home.. unless there's sthg wrong wit e scale in hamburg.. which i highly doubt.. i mean, i'm havin chips, a big bag at dat, n to balance it off, i haf green tea beancurd thingy... tryin to squeeze in a so-called healthy snack... rrrite...

hafta remind myself dat i haven't written abt e last sinz-brissy... my memory's sooo gone... i left my freakin four-cheeses ravioli n cute lil garlic spreads i bought fm e supermarket n left em in e freakin fridge in e freakin hotel in freakin hamburg!!!! bloody hell!!!!!!!
® i wanna be wit someone but i dun wanna get tied down... as in, i hate reportin strength n havin to explain myself all e time... or tryin to pls someone 24/7 by listenin to em.... noe wat i mean???


so, gotta get some rest now... hamburg later in e mornin... lookin forward to it.. needa get outta dubz if only fer a day... get myself distracted... some much-needed retail therapy as well maybe?



so, wat's been happenin?? loads!!! days off eva since i came back fm dat sinz-briz flgt n even called sick fer e gatwick i had like 3days ago... but dat wuz due to me bein in a slight depression... it juz din help dat i hadn't been flyin fer so many days.. naik sedap u noe... heh... but den, i got called out fer a freakin trivandrum turn-ard.. lucky it wasn't dat bad coz i wuz totally bracin myself fer e worse but tank god, no real probz!!

hmm, lemme try to recap on e past few days... mite not be in chronological order lah but i'd try to jot down wat i rememba...
i rememba goin to chainani's shop wit harlz n salz, den we were joined by tina, titi n nurul n all of us went to dat lil-hidden-gem of a briyani shop.. had sucha feast there man!! yummmm.... den at nite, met up wit lynda, nas n their colleagues simon n edward.. all singaporeans n dey were havin drinks at uptown.. pretty nice place, nice view as well, at jumeirah beach hotel... den made our way to trader's vic at e madinat... drank dat tuki puka puka drink.. a potent mix of 5 types of rum n some grenadine i tink... damn!! super strong dat i had difficulties swallowin it down.. not even halfway thru wit it, i gave up... n den had my pina colada.. yum yum!! had some finger food as well n we were totally singin bifday songs fer e ppl on e tables next to us since dey were celebratin.. n fer our effort, we got 3 huge slices of yummy cakes!! yeay!!! tink we drank til late n headed home... can't really rememba...

n on anotha day, went to uniform store, had sucha fright when i saw dat dey gave me a size 12 skirt!!! wtf!?!?!? i'm sure i've put on weight, but dat much?!? it's juz so ridiculous lah, i mean, if dey can actually alter e big size to mine, why e fuck did dey make me run up n down dubz so many times coz dey were outta e small sizes??? juz alter em big ones fer fuck's sake!!! it's not like i stay juz next block or sthg!! sheesh!!! makin me pissed juz tinkin of it... aargh!! idiots!
went home, tinkin of dat nadz n outta e blue, he called!!! juz as i wuz tinkin of him... *swoon* den, he wuz like i'm bored, come over... i wuz like oookie... hang on, juz coz he's bored, he wants me over.. but at e same time, i wuz like doin cartwheels all over e place.. hahah!! doggone loser!! so, made him wait fer like 5hrs, while i took my time doin nothin... den went over to blue, pick him up n had sumo-(e sushi place)... hmm, after dat, went to fresh, juz me n him... ran into amz at e lobby of blue, goin fer 3days jakarta!! lucky sod!! i miss jakarta soooo much!!! newayz, walked to crowne plaza n den ran into zie n rani at e lobby as dey were leavin... kinda caught me offguard coz i wuz alone wit him n all... *blush*
so, i wuz practically throwin myself at him on e dancefloor n it pissed me off me time dat he wuz actin all cool n tak-layan abt it!!! so i thot, maybe he's juz e kinda person who doens't like PDA but even when we were alone in e lift to his place,(hehehehe) he din even make an effort to kiss or touch me!!! n there i wuz screamin inside my head, 'kiss me u fool!!!!'... damn, maybe there's sthg wrong wit him.. or worse, sthg wrong wit me!!!! sobz sobz... so, chilled at his place, watched 'click' followed by ali g indahouse... hahaha.... how romantic rite??? *rolls eyes* i shall leave e rest of e nite up to yr imagination but e next day, he drove me back b4 goin off to sharjah to fix his A/C fer e car...

met up wit lin-lin n nani fer dinner at noodle hse, bin hendi ave n it wuz so nice to be finally meetin up n spendin time wit dat nani... she's always bz wit e bf so it's really really nice to sit down, haf dinner n walk ard naif souk wit her... but by e end of e nite, dat's when i got depressed coz dat guy din call me even tho he said he will.. not even a single msg! din help dat nima, nani's guy wuz so nice n sweet by fetchin us all back.. n e cd of love songs only made me dwell in my current situation all e more... glad darlin lin-lin wuz there n it wuz sweet dat she wuz comfortin me witout me even sayin anythin... i luv u lin!!! *muakz* so, went over to her place n watched she's e man.. funny show.. den we were listin out e probable reasons as to why he din call n all n i decided to leave coz i wuz juz not in e mood n i needed some alone time i s'pose... honestly, lin wuz e sweetest when she hugged me n all.. really appreciated it.. n den e msg she sent abt me abt my duke waitin fer me n dat there isn't anythin wrong wit me almoz brought a tear to my eyes.. *muakz muuuuaakz*
reached home n nnic wuz back oredi... she seemed a lil down as well but she showed off her new tatt n it wuz like amazin!!!! it's on her lower back, pretty big but it wuz so cool!!! will get a pic next time...

newayz, next mornin she cooked brekky fer me... came n placed it in my room, wit a note, 'stay strong, u're doin e best u cld, nobody is perfect. n nobody can let u down except yrself..' sweet rite??? damn, i muz be one of e luckiest ppl i noe.. all my frenz are like diabetically-sweet!!! i'm soooo blessed...

so, dat nite, me n nnic went over to lynz n naz' place before headin to trader's vic, again... oh, before i forget, i called sick earlier in e mornin so dat's y my mission wuz to get wasted... those traders' virgin had to haf e initiation tuki puka puka n pam, becky, nic all hadta down theirs.. me? i wuz happy wit anotha one of those pina colada i can neva get sick of.. simon wuz entertainin some clients n it wuz crazy.. sooo many ppl juz in our not-so-little grp... hehehe... fooled eric, anotha singaporean colleague of theirs dat i wuz hawaiian n he bought it!!! hehehehe.... after drinkin, we all headed fer malecon, where we were joined by surprisingly, nadz... n his flatmate, khalil... at least dis time, he danced n grind (LOL!!) wit me.. so i wuz pretty high fm it all... hahahaha... love-fool!!! had sucha blast at malecon n den headed to lynz' n naz' place once more fer after party... dat lynz ah, happy only, her bouncer-lover came as well n she wuz totally all smiles n flirty thru e nite... nadz definitely loosened up dat nite n wuz kissin n all wit me so i wuz like a lil skool-girl, all smiles as well... but den he left wit khalil earlier but not before askin me to come over fer some fun... haha! rite... i stayed fer like anotha hr or so, sheesha... n left when i got turned off by a certain french-tunisian guy who kept hittin on me.. felt like askin him if he wuz blind n cldn't see me all over my nadz?! newayz, went back, slept n den got called out fer trivandrum... bloody luck!! luckily it all went well n den came back, went straight to emirates tower tryin to do my nails n got sent back home coz dey were fully booked... bought brekky at coco's fer roomies n me n ate by myself coz both of em were glued to their beds... den, napped a bit n went to e towers again fer my appointmt at 4.30.... finished ard 6.30.. yep, sat on my ass fer almoz 2hrs juz to get my nails lookin decent again!! met up wit nadja fer coffee while waitin fer anz.. missed dat babes soooo blardy much.. e last time we met wuz like 2mths ago n it wasn't even a proper gatherin... =( dat poor baby had been grounded fer 3wks over coz she went fer surgery fer her thyroid.. i din even noe!!! i feel so horrible as a fren!!! to tink she wuz hospitalised n i din even haf a clue!!! so sorry nadja.... but do noe dat i'll still be a fren, no doubt a lousy one.. i luv u babes!!! den had dinner at noodle hse again, at e towers' branch n it wuz funny coz dey din accept e face card!! no consistency!! too bad suz cldn't make it.. she had some girl stuff.. really funny girl stuff!! muahahaha!!! shan't embarass her by writin e details...

den naz's fren, haba joined us n we made our way to cosmos.. stayed there fer more than 2hrs til dey were closin.. had sheeshsa, drinks n made frenz wit e most adorable girl i've seen in dubz so far... ju-an.. so blardy cute!!!! den, salz joined us fer a bit before leavin fer her fren's.. highlite of e day wuz when nadz called.. askin wat's e plans n if we all wanted to go over to their place fer drinks... of coz i played aloof dis time, after all e girly advices i got fm lin n donna n e rest... told him i wuz wit frenz n if i feel like joinin him, i'll inform him.. hehehehe... it worked coz he kept callin to check wat's goin on... in e end, naz dropped me n anz home n he came over.. watched a bit of 'take e lead' before he started throwin himself at me.. *ehemz* now who's throwin who??!? hahahaha!!!

but currently, it's back to square one coz he hasn't call e whole freakin day.. sheeesh.... but, it's okie... naz' flyin wit him later.. hopin she'll do some sleuthing-work fer me... LOL!!
®to my dearie girls... i really luv u guys! i mite not be gd at showin affection (no tanx to my clammy palms!! =/) but do noe dat u all mean sooo much to me.. tanx fer all e support n patience n listenin to my incessant whingins... u guys complete me in ways no one particular person can.. so, fm e bottom of my fickle heart, i luv u!!!!! *mmMMmMmMUUuuUuuUuAAaaAAKkkkkKzZZzzZzzZ*


menu fer dat day:

fer e first time in my life...
japanese, followed by lebanese

heh.....


juz finished watchin road to perdition... 2nd time now.. n still cried!! sucha wuss.. =P but damnit, dat's sucha nice movie.. fer those who hasn't seen it yet, run out to r nearest dvd stores now man!!! really made me muse abt e luv fathers haf fer their kids... even tho dey mite not openly show it.. but i din like how e movie gave a false sense of hope n dat their trials were over only to haf mike sullivan killed juz liddat... shot in e back! no fair!!! i mean, he went on a one-man killin rampage juz to ensure his son wun end up dead n den he got killed, witout a chance to fight back.. but at least he eventually shot jude's character lah.. so kinda made up fer e injustice; fer me at least... geez, anyone wit teeth like jude's character ought to be shot if u asked me! hehehe... oh well, din help dat after e movie ended, fort minor's song wuz on tv as well.. sheesh.. more tears... coz dat particular song really touched a spot..
newayz, wuz talkin abt fatherly luv.. i simply lurve lookin a DILFs... hehehe.. as in those cute guys playin wit their kids.. u can totally see e adoration n pride in their faces when dey see their kids laughin gleefully.. n i especially like it when e dads lose all inhibitions n drop all their machoness to be all silly n goofy in public..

my dad is soo over dat stage but when i wuz in sinz juz yday, it made me feel so lurved when he circled his fingers ard my wrist n commented on how skinny i wuz.. =P i mean, it's really nothin but e gesture made me feel warm, considerin he's not e kind who shows affection openly (runs in e family i guess)... dis is definitely one of his way to show his concern i s'pose... not to mention it did make me feel gd dat at least someone doesn't tink i'm flabby or chubby... hehehe... but of coz, i tink fer parents, no matter how fat e kid is, dey're still cute n skinny in their eyes.. but i sure hope i wun haf obese kids coz dat'll be sucha torture fer e kids emselves.. all e health problems n such in e long run...

gosh, i'm feelin e sleep crawlin upon me now so i betta go before it escapes once more.. =P
®juz realised i still haven't mourn properly over my last rlsp.. really need to get it outta my system!!!


time check=2.50pm...
juz had a bowl of coco crunch wit choco milk n i'm off to lala-land... hopefully ah.. haven even climb into my bed fm e moment i came back, which wuz like ard 8am?? anyhoos, i tink i'm too tired to e extent i can't sleep.. u noe, juz like when u're sooo hungry until u can't eat.. well, gonna give it a try anywayz..
still pretty much reelin fm e 9days flgt.. one of e best i hafta say.. wat wit bein sloshed almoz evry single nite.. almoz.. heee... updates later... sleepin now.....


in brissy now... feelin somewat unsettled... hmmm... hate these kinda feelins.. sheesh... can't shake it off... damnit!!