This is misfidz@blogspot.com

juz a lil insight into my world....
my rantings & musings...
nothin more, nothin less
& wat goes on in here,
stays in here...
kapish?

sigh~ why do you hafta like someone who cldn't care less if u're dead or alive?? i mean, not only fer myself... fer so many other lovelorn fools out there.. why?!? n fer e individual who mite be still pining away fer me, i'm truly sorry fer dat.. i honestly noe how it feels like but dat's not an excuse fer me to suddenly change my mind n go yr direction instead.. i'm a total goner fer dis certain guy in particular.. apologies once again if i made a mess of anyone's mind.. totally unintended n if possible, i'd luv to spare anyone of e pain dat i noe too well lately.. it's not e best of emotions but i'm so wrapped up in it, i dunno when i can escape.. sigh... thot i wld feel betta after dat sms tellin nadz off.. i sent him a msg, while a lil tipsy fm malecon, sayin 'pls stop playin wit me.. u noe how i feel abt u so stop leadin me on.. pls..' woke up tinkin it mite haf been a dream, but checked e sent function n realised i really did send it thru.. ooops!!! initially it felt gd.. very liberatin but now i'm kinda regrettin.. i mean, if i wuz a guy, dat'll be e last thing i'd wanna receive fm some chick!! wtf?!?
guess luv/like/lust makes u do crazy things.. =P
perhaps dat's why he hasn't even replied; much more call til now.. i noe i shldn't be expectin anythin but i really dunno why i am!! sheeesh... wuz sooo emo e other day, listened to 'linger' on repeat e whole day.. =/ after all, we watched 'click' n while on e way to rotana, dat song wuz playin in his car as well... kinda apt doncha tink?? too apt fer cryin out loud!!!! aargggghhhhhh!!!!
den again, before i even got to like him, i'd oredi liked dat song.. so there..
oh, before i ramble on, e reason why i sent dat msg wuz becoz e nite b4, we met at an afterparty n he wuz all chummy but once we were at his place, he got really sick.. needed to puke but cldn't so i wuz like sorta takin care of him.. made him some hot coffee (dey had no tea) juz to settle his tummy a bit... dey all went to double deckers beforehand while i wuz at boudoir.. by e time i reached, he wuz obviously drunk, drank e smirnoff like it wuz water... so newayz, while takin care of him, he wuz like 'i'm not gonna drink again.. n next time u're goin out to boudoir or wateva, dun msg me.. dun call me eva.. no hard feelins??' n he extended his hand fer me to shake.. n me, bein e dumb me, stupidly shook it.. all e while, my heart shatterin to pieces.. (fark!! karl wolf's butterfly's playin now.. dat song always reminds me of him.. wtf?!?!?) so, e rest of e conversation went sthg like dis..
him:go sleep..
me:how d'you expect me to when u're like dis??
him:dun worry.... thot u said u're tired?
me:it's ok really.... (cuts me off here)
him:or go home
me:...............................................................
(cue breakin heart; again)
in e end, tucked him in, n left after a while of bein in a state of confusion... i wuz so fuckin lost!!!
i mean, wat wld u tink or feel if someone u really really n by dat i mean really fancy, said dat to yr face?!?

din wanna call but of coz i did, tried to pretend nothin happened n juz asked if he wuz feelin betta.. of coz he used e same ol 'i'll call u later' line... by which i wuz like 'u always say dat but u dun'.. n he wuz sayin he would.. but no prizes fer guessin if he did..
so dat's why, it felt real gd dat i sent him e text abt how i felt.. i noe he's not worth it but i juz can't help feelin like dat fer him.. fuck rite??

®wuz bein sucha baby.. kept lookin at lyndz' cam coz she snapped a perfect pic of me n him e other time.. we looked sooo happy.. or maybe it wuz juz me.. =/